On a Spiritual Journey

That's me. Reading that book, "Eat, Pray, Love" by Elizabeth Gilbert has solidified a decision I had been wavering on for several months, maybe even years if the truth be known. Ever since my son killed himself two and a half years ago I have spent my time living in shame, guilt and depression. I have been drinking a lot as a way to ease the pain. But the drinking and that lifestyle, seeing people sitting at the bar as if they are waiting for death to come a'knocking, is not working for me anymore. And I am tired of punishing myself. When my husband fell in love with someone else last year, I felt as if the bottom of my life had finally dropped out.

But I must go on, and since I have to go on, I have decided that I might as well spend the rest of my life at least trying to be happy. But I don't really know what happiness is anymore. I have changed. I will never be that carefree, smart mouthed, know it all I used to be. I have been humbled. Now it's time to get down to the real me, to find out who I am, and to see if there is a way that I can do good for others instead of always concentrating on myself and my self pity.

I am feeling so good about this decision, but change is hard. Wish me luck, pray for me. I have got to keep thinking that God has more in store for me than a life of loneliness and misery.