April Fool’s Day has special significance for me

It is hard for me to tell you this but I feel that I need to share. My oldest son, who would have been 33 this year, committed suicide on April Fool’s Day three years ago. I am so angry at him, still, but I also miss him terribly. I am going to get counseling, doing the intake tomorrow, in fact, so that maybe I can learn to accept the fact that my beautiful boy killed himself. This can’t happen to a parent without feelings of guilt being involved, and the anger is also normal, but I want to learn to remember the good things about him, of which there are many, and try to forget the bad. I have to remind myself that he was not himself or he would not have done this terrible thing. But I know I will never be the same, and never again will I find anything funny on this, April Fool’s Day.